23 month old behavior worries me. Help plz!?

It strikes me as strange that I can help any one else with these types of problems but when it is my own child I don't know what I am doing! My lil girl will be 2 in August this year and her father says she needs to start learning. The reason for that is when we are talking she will start yelling to be heard over us but when we stop she stops. When we get onto her she slaps at us, we change her she kicks at us, when we tell her to stop she tell us "no stop bad, or shut up." He thinks that whooping her and yelling at her is doing good and that is what we should do. I think that sitting her in her time out chair in the time out corner while getting on her level to explain to her why she is in trouble would do allot better. Then on top of this she listens to her father to much so she is cusseing allot and I dont know how to explain to her that it is bad. I mean how do you explain to a 2 yr old that daddy doing it isnt bad but when she does it it is. Yes I have asked him to watch his speech and attitude around her but so far all that does is makes it worse. He says I am not gonna watch myself for a 2 yr old she is a child not an adult and she isnt gonna tell me what to do so I am not gonna change myself for her.