Why do i love my body but then i hate life and wish a stray bullet would hit me from behind?

this doesnt make any fckng sense!!! i love myself and my body but i hate my life and im antisocial, lonely, angry, hateful and always say things i regret almost as soon as i stop talking. i keep disappointing my mom and my family but they keep saying good things about me because they love me, but its all a fckng lie! i hate getting up in the morning, im scared to be seen by ppl that dont know me or by ppl i dont see enough, i got into four fights with other girls which i think i started and they all whooped me good cus im a stupid idiot and i cant even fight, i cant do anything right. im so fckng confused... why did i have to be born!!!! why!!